why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
