The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You dont lie about slip and slides
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
