Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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