I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
