nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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