Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
