I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
