We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i think im in europe. pls send help
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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