Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
