god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
