Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
