Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
