That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
