in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so let's talk penis.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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