If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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