I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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