During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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