dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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