I just saw a hot homeless man
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
