Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
