I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
