By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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