She's JV to your varsity
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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