He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
