i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize