Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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