ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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