My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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