it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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