I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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