I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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