talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
