So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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