I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
