just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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