found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize