hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
