If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
