i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
