I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
