I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
