so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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