I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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