there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
