I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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