If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your cock deserves a montage
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
