You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
