I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
