Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize