Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
