My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize