Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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