I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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