my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
