Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
