I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
