Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
