In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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