Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
