Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
