Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize