His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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