hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
