Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
