I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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