This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
there is glitter all over my balls
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