My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
