Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
