New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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