His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize