I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
