So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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