just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
