Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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