Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
