I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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