I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
