I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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