so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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