If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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