College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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