did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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