that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize