went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
