I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
