True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
