dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
