Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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