time to smoke my breakfast
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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