omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
