I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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