you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
