while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
