I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
May the power of my ass compel you!!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize