i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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