you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
