Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
