Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
