jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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