i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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